haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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