Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
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Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
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Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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