I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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