when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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