In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
