420 ftw
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
