In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
