That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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