And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
