mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
