dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
