No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
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We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
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First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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