I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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