i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
a search helicopter?!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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