She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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