Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
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I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
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One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
did i just pee glitter
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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