last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
