ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
