I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
