It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
