I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
