I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize