what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
