Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
