Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
