i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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