handjob tips. give me some.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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