Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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