he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
