My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
