don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
