I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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