can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
