READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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