remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
