a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Houston, we have a squirter
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
