She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
