If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
