My nipple is on Facebook.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
two words: eviction party
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
