The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
