he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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