It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
