I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
