i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
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I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Let's get the cat blown out
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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