Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
