well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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