Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Your youporn search history says otherwise.