Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
