At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
