I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
