I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You're earring is so big in my mouth
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
