The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
