I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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