i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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