Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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