I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
