Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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