Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
