based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
