I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
