I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
No subtext here. People are naked.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
