no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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